


Play x and x Guilt

by HanaKaicho



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal, Anal Sex, BDSM, Blindfolds, Bondage, Collars, Guilt, M/M, Oral Sex, Power Exchange, Power Play, Punishment, Safeword Use, Safewords, Spanking, Switching, implied gingkite - Freeform, surprise boner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 06:51:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanaKaicho/pseuds/HanaKaicho
Summary: “Gon, where are you at right now mentally? One to ten.”Still not taking his eyes off the floor, Gon said, “Eight.”Killua scowled. Gon was a terrible liar and always had been.“Answer honestly.”“...Three,” Gon reluctantly admitted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the tags say, this work contains aged up characters. Gon and Killua are about 28 in this fic and engage in adult activities. If you are not comfortable with this type of content or it is not safe for you, please stop reading now and navigate away from the page.
> 
> With that out of the way, I've been working on this for a while and it just keeps on growing?? I have another chapter I'm still considering publishing for it but I'm not sure about it and it's not finished yet, close but not quite. I'll probably decide whether or not to post it based on the feedback I get from this chapter. Part of the initial inspiration for this fic is that I see so many BDSM-ish fics where it's the Dom who makes a scene or play session unsafe but I can't think off hand of a time when I read a fic where a sub was the reason. I hc them in this fic as switches, both D/s and top/bottom which is more relevant in the second chapter but is worth mentioning here anyway.
> 
> Anyhow, please enjoy this fic! :) and let me know at the end your thoughts and any potential interest in a second chapter where things get...more physical *waggles eyebrows*

When Killua came in the door, Gon was kneeling in the entryway, head down. In his lap, he fiercely gripped a switch. It was obvious he was asking for a play session but it was even more obvious to Killua that Gon was upset.

“I'm back, Gon,” he said simply.

“Welcome back, Killua,” Gon said, voice tight.

“Looks like you were waiting for me.”

Gon nodded.

“Give me the switch,” Killua said.

Gon obeyed.

Killua sliced the switch through the air a couple of times. It was a solid pick. It would definitely offer a hell of a bite.

But they had rules.

“You know, you haven't looked at me once since I came in,” Killua said, letting a pretend threat enter his voice.

Gon's shoulders tensed and he shivered. He liked it when Killua threatened him.

“Gon, where are you at right now mentally? One to ten.”

In their scale one meant you felt awful, you wanted to lay in bed for a week and not move, ten meant you were feeling great, walking on sunshine and singing in the rain. They had agreed that for certain forms of play, you had to be at or above certain levels on the scale. Punishment play required at least a seven.

Still not taking his eyes off the floor, Gon said, “Eight.”

Killua scowled. Gon was a terrible liar and always had been.

“Answer honestly.”

“...Three,” Gon reluctantly admitted.

Killua set the switch aside. “You know we can't play with that then, right?”

Gon looked up. “But we've done more before! I won't… I won't ask for too many,” he whined.

“Gon, we agreed. No punishment scenes when we're upset.”

“But I…need it!” Gon argued. He looked back at the floor and said more quietly, “I deserve it…”

“Gon, when you're like this, I can't trust you to use your safeword and stop the play if you need to. It's not safe and I won't do it,” Killua said decisively. “I’m not going to put you in danger and I won’t let you use me to hurt yourself.”

Killua crouched down to Gon's level and ran a hand through his hair and rested his palm on Gon's cheek. “Come on, tell me what's bothering you. We can play if we talk about what's wrong and you start to feel better.”

Gon's breaths were heavy and uneven like they often were when he got overwhelmed. Gon was feeling out of control and it seemed like it was escalating.

Gon was usually good at talking about things that bothered him but occasionally even he had the bad habit of bottling and when he bottled, he struggled to let out his feelings in any good way. He tended to bottle guilt more than anything else and he often turned rather self destructive when it built up which was probably what had led to the display just now.

“Okay, Gon, I get it. You need to calm down. I'll help you, come on,” Killua said, standing and offering a hand to Gon. “Come with me into the bedroom. I have an idea.”

Gon took Killua's hand and let Killua guide him into their bedroom. Once they were inside, Killua closed the door and went over to the dresser.

“Strip,” he instructed, looking for a couple of things to use.

Gon obeyed and waited for Killua.

When Gon started feeling overwhelmed with guilt, he tended to want to be hurt, to be punished. A few times, Killua had agreed to play punishment scenes with him for him to let it out but Gon would refuse to use his safeword and would push Killua to keep going past what he felt was safe and reasonable. The final straw had been after one scene Gon had not only tried to refuse aftercare but Killua found him up later crying because the scene had gone too far but he hadn’t wanted to tell Killua to stop because he was feeling so guilty.

Killua approached with a blindfold, two pieces of rope, and a collar. Gon wasn’t sure what was coming but he trusted Killua so he didn't balk.

“Okay, turn around, back towards me, and clasp your hands together behind your back, ” Killua said.

Gon did as Killua asked and Killua set about binding his arms together with the first piece of rope. As he did so, Killua began to feel assured he had made the right choice. He could see and feel the tension in Gon’s body lessening.

“Is that okay, Gon? Not too tight?” Killua asked.

Gon shook his head. “It’s good,” he said.

“Is that the truth?”

Gon nodded.

Killua put the blindfold over Gon’s eyes and then moved around in front of him to put the collar around Gon’s neck. Gon’s breathing had slowed and calmed and he even let out a sigh when Killua put the collar on him.

After the play mishap, Killua had insisted they have a discussion and reevaluate their boundaries and it was then the system they were currently using had come into effect. It was more complex but the main focus was no punishment play when one or both of them was feeling significantly distressed.

“Follow me,” Killua said, leading Gon by the collar to the bed. Gon submitted without the slightest hesitation.

Killua guided Gon up onto the bed, propped him up slightly against the pillows, and then started to bind his legs together with the second piece of rope, starting mid-thigh.

Gon still bottled his feelings and struggled to get them out so they had to look for an alternative. Killua thought that a small power exchange would probably at least help Gon calm down. When Gon relinquished power, he also got to somewhat relinquish responsibility and if he felt like he could let go of some responsibility, maybe he could calm down a bit and be more able to talk it out. So far it seemed to be working.

Killua finished binding Gon’s legs and then moved up and straddled him. He sat lightly on Gon's stomach, bearing most of his weight in his own legs.

“Who’s in control?” Killua asked.

“You are,” Gon said.

“Why?”

“Because you tied me up. I can’t move.”

“That’s right. So who holds the responsibility?”

Hesitantly, “...You do, Killua.”

“Correct. But unfortunately for _you_ ,” Killua pulled taut the leash connected to Gon’s collar, just enough to make him raise his head from the pillows slightly. “That also means you have to obey me. Understand?”

Gon nodded. “Yes.”

Killua let the leash go slack again and Gon’s head plopped back against the pillows.

“Alright,” Killua said, bringing his claws out and firmly placing his hand on Gon’s bare chest. “I’ll take responsibility for what you say so no lying. Why did you ask me to punish you?”

“I’m...feeling guilty again.”

Killua dug his claws into Gon’s skin slightly, not enough to draw blood but enough to stand as a threat. “Be more specific.”

Gon turned his head to the side, clearly feeling ashamed. “For hurting you, Killua. I’m sorry. And the way I keep trying to make it up to you hurts you too. I’m really sorry. Will you forgive me?”

Killua leaned forward, bracing himself against the bed and he kissed Gon lovingly.

“Of course, Gon,” Killua said. “Of course I forgive you. But hurting you for hurting me doesn’t make me feel better, you know that right?”

Gon nodded solemnly.

Killua took the blindfold off of Gon’s eyes and looked into them.

“You know what does make me feel better, Gon?”

Gon looked at Killua questioningly.

“Looking into these handsome brown eyes or watching the way you look at me and smile at me and how it reminds me how much you love me.”

Gon smiled and gave Killua one of the looks he had just described.

“Yes, exactly, like that,” Killua said.

“Of course, Killua! Because I do love you!” Gon said, sounding much more like his usual self finally.

Killua chuckled and said, “I love you too, Gon.”

After a brief pause, Killua put on a serious voice and said, “But if you ever tell anyone any of the embarrassing things I just said, I’ll show everyone all the pictures you’re embarrassed of and then I’ll kill you.”

Gon laughed. “Killua, we’re married! I’m pretty sure everyone knows all that stuff already!”

Killua grumbled indistinctly and then said, “Whatever. Since you’re feeling better, I’m gonna untie you, okay?”

Gon nodded and waited patiently for Killua to unbind him.

When all the various bindings were off and Gon had put on his robe which had been nearby, Gon and Killua held each other for a while. They lay mostly silently in each other’s arms, though Gon hummed happy, appreciative notes a little bit here and there.

After a while Killua said, “Okay, I know I said we could play if you calmed down but-”

Gon nuzzled into Killua and said, “I know. The moment kinda passed, huh?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay. I enjoy being like this with my Killua anyway,” Gon said with a smile in his voice.

“Gon, that’s gay.”

Gon laughed again. “ _We’re_ gay, Killua.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right,” Killua acquiesced.

“Hey Killua?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we decide on a way for me to ask for that again in the future? It was really helpful for me,” Gon said, sounding appreciative. “I was just so overwhelmed by how guilty I felt…so when you said you were in control and you had the responsibility it really took a lot of the pressure off. You know how I tend to try to shoulder everything myself.”

Killua scoffed lightly. “Yeah. I definitely know that. But yeah, sure, we can talk about that later.”

Gon squeezed Killua into a hug. “Thank you for helping me out, Killua. I love you too.”

“‘Too’?” Killua repeated. “But I didn't say-”

Gon nuzzled into him and whispered, “Not with your words but... I understood. I love you…” He breathed the confession against Killua's neck.

When in response to this, Killua scooched his hips back and away from Gon, Gon released Killua, laughed, and said, “Sorry, Killua, I didn't mean to do that!”

“Shut up, geez… I should hold you responsible for this…” Killua muttered.

“Well, there is a good option for that on the shelf in the living room…”

Killua locked eyes with Gon. “You are really determined to get me to beat your ass, aren't you?” he said. “I'd almost say you did this on purpose but we both know you're a shitty liar so that can't be it.”

Gon kissed Killua sweetly a couple of times.

“Uh-uh, no, you aren't buttering me up with that, you bad boy,” Killua said with a grin on his face. “Where are you at right now mentally? One to ten.”

“Seven,” Gon answered honestly. “And you, Killua?”

“You'd better take that robe back off because I'm at a seven too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you might expect, the second chapter would pick up right where this one stops. I'll probably bump the rating to E if I add it on.
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what you think! And as always feel free to say hi to me on tumblr at patch-of-shore! You will also find a link to my ko-fi there if you would like to show further appreciation for my writing <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to use the switch Gon brought home and also to get Killua's surprise boner dealt with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost cut this into two more chapters honestly because it got longer than I'd meant it to be. But in the end I cut it down a little bit so it's less wordy and dense so I think it's more enjoyable this way. I hope you agree! :)

When Killua reentered the room with the switch in his hand, he was considering it. Looking over it, weighing it in his hand. Something seemed somewhat off about it to him but he couldn't put his finger on it.

“Did you use your Nen on this?” Killua asked. “To reinforce it?”

Gon nodded and looked to be practically salivating over what was coming.

“God, wipe that look off your face. You shouldn't be excited about punishment,” Killua said, getting into character. He slashed the switch through the air, producing a sharp whistle for emphasis.  

Gon shivered and he started to get hard.

“Oh, that's right,” Killua said, as if he had forgotten. “You like it when I threaten you, don't you?”

Gon swallowed and nodded. Goosebumps were forming on his skin. He looked a little scared but the excitement mixed with it told Killua Gon was enjoying himself.

“What are you waiting for?” Killua asked. “You know you're being punished. You know how you're supposed to be. Get that way.”

“Are you going to cuff me today?” Gon asked.

Killua looked down at the switch in his hands as he turned it over thoughtfully. “You know, I probably should. You primed this for a really nasty bite and I can't have you running away or trying to cover yourself mid punishment, now can I?”

Gon swallowed and shook his head. God, was he hard. He walked over to the ring they had on the wall for precisely this kind of thing. He put his hands on the wall and waited for Killua to come over and apply the cuffs to his wrists.

As Killua came up, he stroked his hand over Gon's bare ass.

“Already warm as always,” Killua commented. “I guess I have a lot of work to do to if I'm gonna heat it up for you.”

Gon whined slightly. “Killua, if you don't take it easy with the threats, before you get a chance to do anything, I'm gonna…”

“Alright then, down to business.”

Killua tightened the cuffs around Gon's wrists. The cuffs put the user into a forced zetsu to prevent whoever was there from accidentally snapping the chain or ripping ring off the wall with Nen enhanced strength or in Killua's case from lighting the wall on fire with electricity.

Before he started, Killua put his hand on Gon's shoulder and double checked with him. “You're sure you want this? You know it's really gonna sting, especially with what you did to it.”

Gon nodded. “Yeah, I'm ready.”

“And you'll tell me if you need me to stop? What's the safeword?”

Gon nodded again. “Mercy.”

“Okay then.” Killua patted Gon's shoulder and retreated, shifting back into the scene.

“Alright, Gon, do you know why you're being punished?” Killua demanded.

“Yes,” Gon said.

“Why?”

“Because I got you hard.”

Killua swiped the first stroke across Gon's ass without warning, earning a startled and pained yell from Gon.

“That's true but it isn't quite why you're being punished. You were close. Try again. Why are you being punished?”

“Because I got you hard at an inappropriate time?” Gon sounded like he was guessing.

Killua laid another swift stroke across Gon's ass. “Is that an answer or a question?”

Gon yelped. “An answer,” he said.

“Then make it sound like one. Third time: why are you being punished, Gon? Get it right this time.”

“I'm being punished because I got you hard at an inappropriate time.”

“Correct, good job,” Killua said. He rewarded Gon with four quick strikes all in succession.

Gon yelled and his back arched as he involuntarily struggled away from the switch.

“Do you know why that was your reward, Gon?”

Gon was panting but managed to get out, “I don't know!”

“Because,” Killua paused to run his hand over Gon's ass some more. Dark, bruising welts were already appearing on its surface. “When I decide how many of these you've earned, those four count towards the total you've received. Say thank you and straighten up.”

“Thank you, Killua,” Gon ground out as he got back into position.

Killua paced around for a moment.

“You're getting punished for getting me hard at a bad time. Maybe before I decide how much you need to be punished for it, I should find out how apologetic you are. What do you think, Gon? Do you want to try to make it up to me before I make my decision?” Killua asked.

Gon's breathing was still heavy and he didn't answer right away. Killua put his hand on Gon's shoulder, pausing the scene again.

“Gon, are you okay? Do you need to stop?” Killua asked.

Gon gestured that he needed a moment.

“Okay, you wanna keep going, you just need a breather?” Killua asked.

Gon nodded.

Killua rested his hand just above the abused skin on Gon's ass. “Do you want me to massage you while you catch your breath?” he asked.

Gon nodded and Killua did so, gently squeezing and kneading the flesh. Gon hissed whenever the bruised parts got touched but overall it felt better. He felt his ass relaxing as the pain diffused to a general throbbing rather than several stinging spots.

Gon chuckled a little bit. “I think I was angrier at myself when I got that and reinforced it than I realized.”

“Do you want to call it off?” Killua asked, standing again.

“I haven't said mercy yet, have I?” Gon said, giving Killua a mischievous grin.

Killua snorted at him. “No, you haven't. Guess you want more then, huh?”

Gon stuck his ass out and wiggled it a little. Killua rolled his eyes and gave it a light slap with his hand. Two taps on Gon's shoulder resumed the scene again.

“So,” Killua tapped the switch on his hand a few times. “Do you want to try to make it up to me before I make my decision?”

Gon nodded.

The switch fell again with a whistle. “Use your words, Gon,” Killua instructed as Gon protested.

“Yes, let me make it up to you,” Gon said.

Another stroke. “Was that an order?”

“Let me make it up to you, please,” Gon corrected himself, voice strained.

“That's better.”

Killua uncuffed Gon and then moved to sit on the bed, removing his pants. He replayed Gon's sweet words in his head as he stroked himself, quickly and easily regaining his erection.

Gon came and stood in front of him, waiting for Killua's instruction.

“You look like you're trying to threaten me,” Killua said. “Besides, shouldn't your apology for this be given on your knees anyway?”

Gon knelt in front of Killua and rested his hands on his own thighs. He looked slightly up at Killua. It was moments like these that Killua was struck by how tall Gon had grown up to be. He had grown up to be taller than Ging, a little closer in height to Kite as he had been before being reborn. He wasn't all that bulky muscle wise, certainly no more than Killua was himself, even though he was very strong.

_I'm getting distracted._

Killua took his hand off his dick and placed it on top of Gon's head. “You know what to do, right? Take care of it for me. You started it after all.”

Gon went straight to work, eagerly taking Killua into his mouth. Killua groaned from Gon's determined work. Gon hadn't started very good but as soon as he found out how much Killua liked getting head, he'd applied himself to practicing to get better. Gon was always fiercely enthusiastic about getting good at things Killua liked.

Killua couldn't reminisce anymore when Gon moaned around his cock and stepped up his tongue use. He could hold in neither the wanton moans that Gon brought on nor the breathy calls of Gon's name.

“Ah, Gon, I'm-, mmmmmm, Gonnnn…”

Killua's feedback only encouraged Gon.

“Shit, Gon, please!”

Killua's head went back with a groan as he finished in Gon's mouth.

“So how did I do, Killua?” Gon asked almost immediately.

Killua took a deep breath in and sighed it out. “One day you'll stop swallowing, I just know it. I have to believe that.”

“It's not like it's gross,” Gon said.

Killua made an unconvinced sound but didn't argue.

Gon used his arms to push himself up and into Killua's space. “So,” he said softly. “What did I earn? How much more punishment do I need, Ki-llu-a?”

“Well, you did seem pretty apologetic…maybe you've earned a reward,” Killua said thoughtfully. “Maybe you've earned the privilege of fucking me.”

Gon's eyes looked like they might have been literally sparkling at the suggestion.

“But! You have to take your time,” Killua ordered. “If you make this an even slightly unpleasant experience for me, you're going back up against that wall and I'm punishing you until you're crying and begging me to stop and you won't get any breaks. Understand?”

Gon looked nearly blissed out as he nodded. Killua knew just how to push his buttons.

“Okay then,” Killua said, laying back and propping his hips up with a wedge shaped pillow so his ass was more easily accessible. “Prepare me first and make sure I enjoy it.”

Just like Killua knew how to push Gon's buttons, Gon knew just how to push Killua's. He had diligently learned just how Killua liked to be touched and what made him feel good.

But he was feeling impatient. And bratty.

“Ah, Gon, slow down, what the hell!” Killua soon complained. “And use more lube! You remember our agreement, right? If you'd rather I just turn your entire ass purple, you can just say so, we can save time.”

“So patient and forgiving with me, Killua,” Gon said, soft and sultry. “Does this warning mean I get another chance to be good?”

Gon added more lube and slowed his fingers but pressed in just a little farther…

He was almost at Killua's sweet spot…

Killua was trying to say, “You brat,” but only got about halfway through the first word before Gon prodded just the right spot inside him and made him end the word with a moan.

“Sorry, Killua, I'll stop teasing now,” Gon said, his voice full of affection. “Are you feeling good?”

“Like you can't tell…” Killua muttered, sounding embarrassed.

Gon smiled and worked on Killua a little longer, being sure to loosen him up so it was as comfortable as possible.

“Ugh, Gon, please, it's enough,” Killua said breathlessly. “Fuck me.”

“Yes, sir,” Gon whispered into Killua's ear.

Gon got up and knelt on the bed so as to have a better angle. He lubed himself and touched his dick to Killua's entrance. He paused just a moment before pushing in, starting slow.

He eventually worked up to a nice rhythm, Killua trying to stifle any noises he was making.

Gon stretched to kiss Killua a few times. “Killuaaa…” Gon whined between kisses. “Let me hear your voice! You can't let me top and then not let me hear your voice. It's so sexy…”

Killua moaned. “Shut up, perv. I'm taking that comment out of your ass when your reward is over.”

Gon started stroking Killua's dick as he picked up the pace a little. It had the desired effect. Both he and Killua were now audibly making various noises of pleasure.

“Killua, are you close?” Gon asked, breathing hard.

Killua nodded.

“Together, Killua!”

Gon's thrusts grew erratic but Killua could feel him desperately trying to bury himself as deep as he could inside Killua. Gon released with a cry just a little bit earlier than Killua did. The feeling of Gon cumming inside him pushed Killua over the edge, bringing him his second orgasm.

“Mmm, I love you Killua,” Gon murmured.

Killua took a moment to come down from his orgasm and then, looking up at Gon and smiling, he said, “I wonder if maybe you've earned my forgiveness and don't need to be punished anymore…. What do you think, Gon? Have you learned your lesson and repented?”

“I _did_ fix it,” Gon said. “And I said sorry so…time to snuggle?”

“Let's get cleaned up first,” Killua said, getting up and attempting to extricate himself from Gon who had yet to pull out but started trying to nuzzle into Killua anyway. “Plus you've got some hellish bruises that I should probably take a closer look at.”

Gon whined but agreed to Killua's plan and before too long they were cuddled up in bed together again.

“No saying anything weird this time, Gon, I'm exhausted,” Killua said when Gon opened his mouth to speak.

Gon stuck his tongue out at Killua, a childish holdover from their younger days. “I was just gonna say I love you so much!” he said with a big grin. “I feel so happy with you.”

Killua chuckled a bit and said, “Me too, Gon.”

Gon laughed and kissed Killua. “I'm so lucky I met you.”

Killua smiled and scooched a little closer to Gon.

“Same here, man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that's the end of it! They were supposed to just cuddle and be done with it last chapter but then Gon had to get gay lmao Thank you all for your support on this fic! You've been really lovely and really inspired me to finish the fic and I want to thank you all for that so much!
> 
> I've got a couple more fics to post soon so keep an eye out for those as well!
> 
> And as always, please feel free to leave comments and/or stop by and say hi to me on tumblr! I'm patch-of-shore! (and also my ko-fi is listed on that page so help a brother out :3 )


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